365

One year ago.....

I was a mixture of emotions...

Seeing you for the first time...

I absolutely loved watching my body grow...

And grow some more...

I had never felt so beautiful...

Meeting your for the first time was the most amazing feeling...

One year later.

Aubrey Rose, I cannot believe I have known you for one whole year.

 Having you has changed my entire life for the better and I would not trade having your for anything in the entire world. 

I love you.

Mama

Rollin' With the Homies

Well folks, my Monster has decided she is ready to roll! It started off with some random rolls here and there while I would change her diaper but tonight she actually rolled from side to side several times. So much so that it was quite difficult to get her undressed for her bath and get her diaper back on afterward.
She looks so darn proud when she does it too!
Why do they have to grow up so fast?
I often catch myself saying "I can't wait until she can _________." In reality I want to box her up and keep her this little forever.

Wordless Wednesday

Sticking it Out

My Dear Aubrey Rose,

I cannot believe that in about a week you will be 4 months old and about to celebrate your first Easter. There are so many things you are starting to do and pick up but one of my favorites is:

You have discovered your tongue. I love that it seems like a light bulb has turned on and you are realizing that those things that hit you in your face are your hands and the things that you love to kick with are your legs and feet.

These photos are a couple of weeks old but each day you play with your tongue more and more.

I love ^ this one because it reminds me that you are totally my kid. I was a total tongue sticker outer as a child.


You are the cutest thing.

I love you tons and tons,
Mama

Wedding

Aubrey attended her first wedding last night. She looked way too cute in her polka dotted dress and everyone just ate her up. I don't mean to toot my own horn but she was so well behaved. She didn't fuss til the very end when we were about to leave. It was bedtime for her anyway.
The photos aren't too great, I forgot my camera so all I had was my phone.

Taking My Baby

I wanted to write a post about this the day it happened but life happened and I got sick and had to work an 11 hour work day. And, well, I guess it worked out for the better because I can now think about this rationally.

Phew. Here we go.

A few weeks ago when the Southern California weather was unseasonably warm Roy's parents (who watch Aubrey 3 days a week) asked if they could take her to an outside market. They kind of cornered me when they asked me (Roy wasn't home) and I caved and said yes. I honestly can't remember what my heart truly wanted to say because my feelings towards his parents are rather mixed.

Fast forward to Monday. It was my day off and I covet those moments I have with my daughter above all else. I feel like I miss out on so much of her during the week that Sundays at Gymboree and all day Monday are incredibly sacred and special. Anyway, Roy was home and I was playing with Aub on the floor and he gets a phone call from his parents...

I can hear something about coming over to pick something up and my heart rate instantly rises. Turns out they want to take Aubrey to the outside market on Tuesday.

I can't help it when I blurt out that I don't want them to come over right then and there. Roy asks them to come over in an hour.

I. Lost. It.

I don't understand who or what took over. The best that I can describe is that I became a crazy woman. It was as if I was watching someone take my baby in front of my eyes. I was so worried and scared and angry. I know that his dad is a very safe driver but I couldn't help but picture something happening to Her. I knew that if anything were to happen regardless of whose fault it was that I would never be able to forgive his parents. I couldn't think straight. I felt like a wounded mama tiger. Time stood still and my mind raced a million miles a minute. I was absolutely irrational. Poor Roy looked so confused as I paced the house with wild eyes exclaiming that this was unfair.

I was outside of myself. I was having an out of body experience and I knew that I was acting crazy. I tried to explain to Roy and what came out sounded nothing more than strings of syllables.

I had to leave. I knew that if I stayed around the house that my tongue my slip and I might say something horrid to his parents.

I left and his parents came and left. They were given explicit instructions about keeping her bundled and not to let strangers get near her.

The next day came and went just fine. She was fine when I got home.

I still can't help but not feel comfortable with the idea of anyone other than myself or Roy taking her anywhere.

Am I truly crazy overprotective???
Anyone else experience anything like this?

A Letter to the 16 Year Old Me

On Tuesday I celebrated  dealt with my 26th birthday. Time flies incredibly fast! I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined making it to be 26. I don't know what I thought would happen but here I am.

Without further adieu a letter to my 16 year old self.

Dear Marisa,

Let me start off by saying that the guy you are dating that you swear is your soulmate is nothing but a huge lesson learned. The two of you will go through some tough situations and it will test (and eventually break) your relationship. He will rip your heart in two. But in the end you will realize that he really wasn't worth your tears and heartache.

You think you really know what love is but you have no idea that the man you will spend the rest of your life with and start a family with lives about 15 minutes away and will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it. The two of you will face a lot of heartache the first year of your relationship but it will only make you stronger. He will understand who you are and where you came from. You will love him deeply and give him your whole heart, even if you feel like you can't. Four years later you will be pregnant and have your first child. Your world and heart will open up and seem like new.

Music is the best therapy. You will be obsessed with P!NK's Missundaztood and the soundtrack to The Garden State and believe me, it will help and you are not crazy.

Please know that the issues you are dealing with at home are not normal and that you do have a choice in how your own family will conduct themselves. You can and will break the cycle. You will make it out alive. You are incredible for sticking up for what you believe in. Embrace the mama tiger you feel whenever He starts acting a fool.You are not a victim. You are a survivor. Even better, you will be given several opportunities to share your story to young delinquents and they will reach out to you.

Just know that things will get better.

You are beautiful. Despite the turmoil going on that you push deep, deep down you have a beautiful heart.

You are gorgeous on the inside and out.

Those girls you think are your friends? Nope. They are not. Stick with your gut and remain true to who you are. There is no shame in being a loner if need be.

You should really at least attempt to do the things that sound interesting...drama, softball, cheer, art.

Do not sit back and let it all pass you by.

Don't listen to those who tell you that you are "fat." You are rocking a size 0/2. You are in cologuard which practices zero and first period and after school, you are baton twirling, and you run a few days out of the week with your best friend.

Just remember this:


The sun will be up tomorrow.
Give selflessly.
 Love with your Whole heart

Love,
Marisa

Oliver

Meet Oliver:

Oliver's First Day

-He is a three year old, (what we believe to be) Irish Wolfhound mix that we adopted from the local animal shelter.
- In the beginning he had a horrible case of Kennel Cough and to be extremely honest I did not care for him at all.
- Out of all of the animals he is the coolest pet that I have ever had.
- He would be an awesome therapy dog; if only I had more time.

- He has such personality.
- When he wakes up he has to stretch out so s-l-o-w-l-y and we will make this sound that is best described as a "feelin' good" howl.
- He is the hugest klutz in the whole wide world when it comes to doing anything except for running.
- When he runs he looks like he is floating
- If any of the other dogs are getting pet he HAS to be right there next to them and will stop at nothing to be pet too. This includes putting his two front paws on top of the other dog!

- He can jump as tall as the 8 ft fence around our house
- One time he jumped over said fence and got caught. Luckily a neighbor was outside and helped him down.
- If he wants your attention he will rest his face on you and either peek up at you from beneath his scraggly hair or sigh until you look at him.
- When he is invited to come on the bed he will at first jump and perch on the edge of the bed like a bird.

- He is very agile
- He takes treats very seriously

Typical Oliver face
- He takes going Bye Bye very, very seriously. So much so that if he even hears the jingle of a set of keys he is up and ready at the door.
- He is great to take on solo trips because he will sit in the front seat and stare out of the window

- He is incredibly intelligent
- He can open the front door
- He is now my best little buddy
- He was afraid of Aubrey at first but he is finally starting to warm up to her

Up next we will have Bruce!
Until next time....

Meet Charlie

This is Charlie.

Also known as:
Charlie Bug
ug
Beetle
Little Bear
Char Char
Pirate










She is a four and a half year old toy Yorkie.
She was a Christmas gift from Roy.



She is absolutely spoiled rotten. She is the only one allowed on the couch unless invited and the only one who sleep in our bed at night.
She loves to go "Bye Bye" and she has to sit in the front seat and look out the window.
She is very picky about the treats that she gets but if another dog even looks in her direction she will gobble her treat up.
She thinks Monster's toys are her own therefore I find baby toys in the most random places.


She thinks she is a 100 pound dog. She will bark something fierce whenever she sees another dog pass by.
She was the one I was the most worried about when we brought the baby home (yes, even more than my Pits) because she is very much protective and attached to me. However, she will sit by the baby and watch her as often as possible.



Whenever I am eating she has to sit right next to me and make these eyes:


"Don't you wanna give me some?"
Haha, melts my heart every time!

Up next we will have Oliver!

3 Months

My dearest Aubrey Rose (Little Monster),

This post is about 4 days late but better late than never, right? 

My beautiful girl, you never cease to amaze me. 

There are a few new things you have added to your repertoire...

- You coo so much! I love having conversations with you because you look like you totally understand what I am telling you. Your emotions match the topics we discuss and I think it is one of the cutest things in the whole wide world!

- You drool a TON! I used to be one of those girls that would say I would never, ever let a baby drool on me. Little did I know:

~ You would drool on me all day and it wouldn't bother me a single bit

~ You would spit up on my clothes and in my hair and I wouldn't bat an eye as I wipe it up

~ You would pee on me (several times)!

- You do not like having a wet diaper, at all! 

- You are starting to look me in the eye when I feed you. Sometimes you smile and milk comes spilling out of your mouth.

- You are a loud eater! I think it's funny when I breastfeed you in public because you smack so loudly that it sometimes makes others uncomfortable. But I am so proud to be a breastfeeding mum that I do not care!

- You love to sit in the Bumbo. I have quickly learned that if I need to get something done that I had better not lay you down on the floor because you much prefer your little purple seat!

- You have giggled a couple of times and it makes my heart m-e-l-t. I don't think I have worked so hard at something because I love the sound of your giggle.

- You just started to enjoy your playmat. You stare up at the turtle and talk to him. You are starting to grab for the little toys dangling above you. 

You grasp onto your rattle and get amazed when you shake it.

When you are doing Tummy Time you are starting to kick your feet and wiggle around the mat. 

- Your eyes are still blue and you are still very fair skinned. I finally googled the blue eye trait and it turns out that both your papa and I have blue eyes somewhere in our families.

- Your hair is starting to get texture! Whenever I wash your hair it curls right up. 

- You prefer to sleep on your tummy. Whenever you are napping on your belly I check you obsessively because I am so afraid that you will stop breathing. I had a sister pass away from SIDS and that is one of my biggest fears. I am so attached to you I do not know what I would do if something happened to you.

I cannot get enough of you.

 I love the way you smell. 

I recently started back at work and I start counting down the time as soon as I clock in. I am so thankful that I am the manager because my team members understand that unless there is a serious, pressing issue I clock out right on time and am out the door no later than 5 minutes after the end of my shift. I have to get home to my baby!

Since coming back to work so many customers have asked about you. 

You have received gifts from people you have never even met. 

I keep your pictures in my office and get incredibly excited to show them off to whoever asks.

I love you more than a million red sour patch kids.

I can't wait to see what this month brings!

Love,

Mum

Hi Ho, Hi Ho!

I was worried this was going to happen...last week it was pretty quiet around here. So here is a mini update:

- I started back to work last Wednesday. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I thought I might cry in the bathroom all day but I didn't! It is lovely to have adult conversations and interaction but you better believe that once my shift is over I am out of the door. It seems that once the final hour hits I start getting this unbearable urge to get home to my Monster. I have yet to stay more than 10 minutes past the end of my day.


- Monster turned 3 months on the 5th. Where the heck did this little girl come from?! This deserves and will get a post of its very own. Just know that she is still just as amazing and continues to grow and thrive that it is almost heartbreaking.


- I still have to finish my "Meet the Family" posts! Charlie is up next - I am sure that everyone will love getting to know her.


- I have a serious confession to make....in regards to my "in-laws." I will save that for a bit later.

- Our little family caught the horrible cold that everyone has been passing around. It started with Papa and worked it's way to me. Even little Monster caught a touch of it - and boy, did I feel like the worst mum ever.

Until next time!