Thursday, May 19, 2011

11 Weeks 1 Day

Dear Flek,
This time last week Papa and I were marveling over your first pictures. We were in awe of what we saw - you moved and flipped and it even looked like you waved! It was all we could do to keep from introducing you to every single person that crossed our path.
The first relative that got to see you was Granddaddy. I wish you could have seen the smile on his face; he was beaming from ear to ear! He loves to talk about how he is going to take you hunting and how he wants to teach you how to race go karts!
After that we took your photos over to show your other Grandma and Grandpa. Let me tell you, I don't think you will ever know the magnitude of love that is felt for you. There are so many plans for your arrival...everyone can't wait to meet you. You are always talked about!
This week you are the size of a lime. When I read about your size I felt so much better because I already have a bit of a belly. Even though I gripe about my changing body to your daddy deep down inside I revel at every change I see. Everything from the back aches to my disappearing waistline even down to the bright veins that you can see from a mile away are well worth it to know that I get to create you.
I can't remember if I told you but my childhood best friend, Melanie is also pregnant! She is about 2 weeks ahead of us; you will have a playmate! It makes mommy feel good to know that there is someone she can go to with all of these changes. Don't get me wrong, daddy is a great listener but sometimes it is nice to have someone going through the same things.
This week we have started to look into names for you...gosh, no one ever said how difficult it is to pick just one! We are having such a hard time narrowing our list down but I can't help but think that as you grow and we get to know your little personality your name will just fit.
Anyway, I just want to say that I love you so much already. I feel so blessed that you chose me to be your momma. Every chance I get my hands land right on my belly and I imagine you swimming and dancing all day long. I can't wait for the day that I get to feel you swish around in there. Even though many people know about you I still feel like I have this amazing secret that no one else knows but daddy.
I know I tell you this all of the time but you are loved --- way more than you know!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Telling your grandparents about you

***Written April 18, 2011***
Dear Fleck,

Last night we decided to tell daddy's parents and my sister about you. Our original plan was to wait until Mother's Day but I insisted that this weekend would be the time. I needed them to know about your existence.

I found these small picture frames that I said I love my Grandma and I love my Grandpa. Immediately I knew that I wanted to use these as a special way of telling everyone about you. The plan was to put your very first picture (via ultrasound) in there and give it to each of your grandparents wrapped up as a gift. When I went to the Doctor they told me it would be a little while before we could see you. Mommy grew anxious. We decided that perhaps we would wait until Mother's Day when both families were together at our house. That plan failed when I realized that keeping you a secret was hurting her....that and everything we had planned between now and Mother's day fell through. Daddy's birthday is tomorrow and part of his birthday present was to go fishing this next weekend with his best friends/brothers. That got cancelled because they got the date of opening weekend wrong. Daddy's birthday party was going to be the following weekend, that almost got cancelled but it is still going strong and set for the 30th of this month. What really told mommy were three other things:

1. Grandma (my Mum) and Auntie Emily came in to visit me. To the average person that isn't weird, but my store is 30 minutes away and they both had school that day.

2. Friday daddy's parents came in to the store to visit me. Highly unusual because they are always so busy with other things.

3. Friday evening as I was driving home from work three large birds flews directly in front of my car and sharply turned to fly along side me for a few seconds. I sound crazy, but it really happened.

I told daddy about these things and he told me that I am crazy but he was ready to tell whenever I was. I could tell he was really excited.

Saturday night we went to your daddy's parent's house. When we got there they had just pulled up to the house after a long day of work. Daddy hid the present in the house and then went to help them put up the animals. I tried to staying out of there way and just watched. When we went inside your grandpa noticed the giftbox on the coffee table. He asked what it was and daddy told him that we found something that they might like. Grandma was the one who opened the box, the frames were upside down but she was excited thinking that we had taken photos or something. When she flipped them over she and grandpa just stared for a few seconds. Suddenly she looked up and when she did I had tears in my eyes. All we got was, "oh my god, really? are you pregnant?" I said yes and she jumped up so quickly and said she was soo excited and so happy. Grandpa started crying and so did daddy. There was so much happiness surrounding your pending arrival. I hope that you know that you are loved so much already.

Later that night we told your Auntie Emily.

I bought a little onesie that says "I love my auntie." Em came over and like we did with your grandparents we left the gift on our coffee table. We chatted a little bit and caught up on life. She noticed the box and asked if it was for her......I said, "well I suppose that you can open it, hopefully you'll like what's in it." She opened it and she had the best look on her face. Her mouth dropped and she had a huge grin on her face. All she could say is "are you really? are you really? are you really?" I nodded and she shrieked. She was super excited about you. She says she hopes you're a little girl so she can dress you up and take you everywhere. She also said she would just as happy with a cute little boy.

Sunday we told my parents.

We put their frames in two separate bags so that they each had something to open.

Sunday dinner.................wasn't exactly what I wanted to be. For starters I was starving and my dad, brother and your daddy were outside working on my brother's car and ignoring the meat on the BBQ. Needless to say, Heffer me was highly agitated. To top that off, my dad invited the neighbor over for dinner. I really wanted to eat with just my family, I wanted it to be a private thing.

After the neighbor left we retreated outside to sit and chat which is when I wanted to spill the beans but of course, the boys decided to go to the auto store. Boy, did I hit the roof but kept it inside. I just wanted to tell everyone. Upon their return I grabbed the little bags, not wanting to waste a single minute more. We had my parents sit together and open them at the same time. My dad's eyes got huge and my mum's mouth dropped. Mum's first words were, "that's not fair, I am too young!" but she smiled the whole time. Dad's first words were a million questions in one: "is he going to the naval academy? will he be a racer? what if its twins? we need a fishing pole and a bow and arrow set."

Everyone is so excited for your arrival, Fleck.

There has been nothing but love for you the moment we said the words.

You are loved.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Back tracking...

March 31st, 2011

We will start with the evening of March 30. It had been an incredibly long day at work; my day started at 5:30 a.m. and I wasn't off until about 4:30 p.m. The plan was to head to the gym, but my life rarely goes to plan. Panda needed his work truck's brakes fixed and so I picked him and and then we went to the gym together. We both figured that since the place closed at 6 p.m. that his van would be done by then. Wrong. So wrong. While we waited I casually mentioned today I was due to start my period. He laughed and said that's funny because we haven't had a stupid argument yet (we always get into an argument the day before I am supposed to start). Around that time the mechanic came out to say that it would be at least an hour or so more.....we decided to venture to Target to pick up a test, just in case.

When we got to Target I wanted to do anything but look at pregnancy tests - I avoided it as long as possible by browsing in the dollar section and clothing and electronics. Finally I felt like it was "time" so we walked over and picked up the ClearBlue Digital pregnancy tests.

.......$45 later we returned to pick up the van. We went home and I waited for us to argue about something totally lame. Didn't happen. He made me a steak dinner that I ate half of (highly unusual) and promptly fell asleep fully expecting to start overnight.

The next morning I woke up and felt absolutely fine but I had set the test out the prior night for me to use so I used it. Instead of waiting around I decided to occupy myself by heating water for my hardboiled eggs. Let me tell you, that was the longest 3 minutes of my life.

This is what I came back to:

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or what. So I did want any sensible chick would do with a supposed positive pregnancy test, I shook it and looked again. It definitely was positive! I sat on the edge of the bed and asked Panda to wake up. He covered his eyes and mumbled something about he was sleeping and couldn't read anything. I sat on top of him and said please tell me what this says. He grumbled, I don't know, pregnant? Haha, it was rather entertaining because when I said yes he got all bug eyed and asked if I was lying.

Neither of us knew what to do really. I paced around the house and he kind of just sat there!

I looked in the mirror and as crazy as this sounds, I looked different to myself. In a span of 5 minutes my world had changed. I felt strong and beautiful. Suddenly it wasn't Moe in the mirror, it was someone else. It wasn't about me. I became someone who would give the world to ensure that my little one is safe. I wanted to do whatever it took to keep my little womb a happy dwelling place for the little dot.

I instantly gave up: my thrice daily double matcha shot (caffeine), dinner time soda, semi carb-less diet to make sure that my body was the perfect place.


Fast forward to April 11th...

At 2:30 I had my first prenatal appointment. My friend referred me to her Ob/Gyn, fortunately I was able to get in with his Nurse Practitioner. I filled out all of the paperwork, peed in a cup (and peed a few other times ) and waited for what felt like forever. I was called back. They took my weight and blood pressure and asked about my period. They gave me literature on Prenatal Screening and told me a bit about it. Then came the fun part...............! Karen came in and gave me a Pelvic Exam. I am a little bit bummed about what she had to say. I have been told that I have a "tight arch" which I guess means that I may have to have a C-section. I actually want to do a homebirth.....and in that moment I felt crushed. She told me that I may be able to deliver vaginally if I keep my weight down (as if standing on the scale looking at my starting weight didn't do that enough). I truly do not want a c-section.....I guess we will have to wait and see. Panda immediately sensed my sadness and reached over to hold my hand....

On to some happy stuff!

According to the little last period wheel thing my EDD is December 7, 2011.

Our first formal prenatal appointment was April 25 at 4 p.m. with all the other "fun" stuff, blood work, pap smear, medical history, etc.

Panda didn't even ask to be excused for the Pelvic and he wants to be there for the next appointment. I am a lucky mama!

I just want to fast forward to week 13.

I just want to see the ultrasound to see that my little Fleck is okay.

I really hope that our baby is okay.

Some days I think that this is all just a dream. I always have to pee but I always feel such relief to see that the toilet paper it clean (sorry, tmi).

I can't wait to meet him/her.

I thought I loved my dogs entirely too much, but no, I love this little baby, the size of a sesame seed more than I love life itself.

I am so happy.



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