Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Big Day!

Dear Baby,

Tomorrow we find out what you are! I am so excited, it literally feels like it is going to be Christmas time and I am waiting up to take a peek at Santa Claus' delivery.

Everyone is curious to know what you are - I have a super long list of people to text and call prior to making the announcement on Facebook. Most people think that you are a boy - I would have to agree. However, if you are a little girl I wouldn't would be funny to see your daddy get wrapped around your finger! Although he denies that such a thing would happen I know that if it were announced that you are a girl, it would take him .21 seconds to fall instantly head over heels for his little princess.

Auntie Em will be tagging along to be the first to know! She is just as excited as I am to hear the news. She took tomorrow off just to make sure she could be there. That girl loves you so much already. She is also the only one who swears that you are a girl....if you are you are in for a real treat, Auntie Em is the fashionista of the family. It wouldn't surprise me if her next two checks were devoted to all of the girly clothes for you.

Please cooperate tomorrow - mama is itching to start you nursery and plan for your shower(s).

I love you and cannot wait to see just how big you've grown!



Monday, July 18, 2011

19 weeks...almost a week late

How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: we shall see today, appointment at 4!

Sleep: good until i stir then i immediately have to pee, still

Best moment this week: being worried because my little charlie jumped on my belly but then feeling the baby squirm and move right back

Movement: this little is squirmy at times

Symptoms: starving all the time, itchy nipples, weird stuff down below, huge boobs!, back aches

Symptoms I DON'T have: many!

Food cravings: cup of soup, cold fruit, soda (for the bubbly feeling, iknow, i know, kill me!)

Food aversions: none!

Gender: 3 more days til we find out!

Labor Signs: none, thankfully i think my monster needs some more baking

Belly Button in or out? tucked inside, but slowly making its way out

What I miss: working out really hard, being able to go go go 24/7, my clothes!

What I am looking forward to: the gender ultrasound, baby showers

Weekly Wisdom: umm.........for a long while i was down about my weight but today i realized that as long as im making good food choices that i will be fine. my body was meant for this, and i feel so blessed!

Sunday, July 17, 2011


**This has taken me nearly a week to write. I apologize for my absence**

I have been trying to keep this blog light and fun and all about my little monster. I don't update very often - I work 45+ hours each week plus take care of the house and the cooking - it is exhausting. Most days there are things for me to post about but by the time "relaxation" time comes I only want to chill out on the couch. I know that I should be documenting as much as possible because this pregnancy will only happen one time....I should eat up every single second with words and pictures - I want to do a better job of relishing every second and making sure that it is recorded on here. Tonight is a new night, one where I can start over anew....that being said, this post isn't going to be light and fun. You have been forewarned.

Today I received bad news from two people that I hold near to my heart.

The first was my regular (customer) Beverly. She hadn't been coming in very much this past week and I had been meaning to text her because something didn't feel right but something told me she needed her space. She came in this morning right as we opened and she looked drained. She told me about how it is highly likely that her husband has prostate cancer and that it has likely spread. Her eyes welled up with tears and my first reaction was to back away - horrible, I know. I don't quite know why I backed away; perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Granddaddy died from prostate cancer and there are times where I still think I am mourning my loss. She told me she most likely wouldn't be in for several days. I asked her how she was doing and she replied "I hate it because I am not in control. You know me, I am a control freak and if I am powerless I lose my mind." I completely understand. I, too am a control freak- anything beyond my control upsets and irritates me. The unknown paralyzes me.

The second was a long time friend of mine. I consider her to be like a Mum to me. I have known her since I was 15 and she has seen me through some crazy times, as I have for her. She's one of those rare people that you meet and you have an incredible instant bond. It was like I have known her all my life and perhaps even in a past life. For the past 5 or 6 years she has been suffering from a myriad of different illnesses. There have been a few times where I have flown out of state to take care of her and her family after surgery without any thought to it. Recently she has been suffering from things like falling out of bed every night and having trouble remembering things. After hundreds of doctors visits with seemingly hundreds of different doctors they finally scheduled her for an EEG (basically, a brain scan). Well, she finally got the results back.

I got the phone call when I was at work. Unfortunately when she called I wasn't at my desk, I was helping my team on the floor. When I got back I saw the missed call and immediately listened to the voicemail. I wish I hadn't. Mum said she regretted telling me this way but that she needed me to know and had to get it off her chest. The doctor went over the scan with her and told her she had severe brain damage on the left hemisphere of her brain. I couldn't listen to any more. I knew that if I did the last 4 hours of work would be impossible.

Later when I got in my car to go home I listened to it again. She assured me she would be okay. My heart began to ache. She made jokes that she would try hard not to be a burden and get so bad that I would have to change the diapers of both her and the baby. That old familiar burn returned in my throat. She told me that our family would be just fine. Again I couldn't listen to any more. I had to get home. I couldn't allow myself to lose it in front of my store.

I got home and all I could think was why. Why? Why now?

I couldn't call her because I knew I wouldn't be strong.

She was making jokes and I was crumbling.

She was thinking and talking about the baby and all I could think was: I can't do this again. My heart won't make it.

This is supposed to be a happy time - it's a selfish thought, I know.

I asked her how this happened...she replied "This is why we have to share our stories. WE have to make a difference in those that have suffered or are suffering from domestic violence. This happened because of my ex-husband who pushed me down a flight of stairs when I was pregnant with Matthew."

Our work in domestic violence is something I will blog about later.

I couldn't believe her reply. She wasn't bitter or sad.

Both women are incredibly strong - which is why I cling to them so dearly. They show me strength when they are the ones suffering.

All I feel is pain.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrows
Smile and may be tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through if you
Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear, may be ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just, smile

Monday, July 4, 2011

7 months

Dear Baby,

Today is your first fourth of July that you have existed in our lives....

This morning I woke up and thought, "this time next year we will have a 7 month old on our hands." I cannot begin to imagine what life will be like this time next year. There are so many questions that I have about you. There are so many things I am anxious to know and experience.

According to BabyCenter this week I should be beginning to think about my birth plan. Birth Plan! I can barely decide on what to put on a registry, which cloth diapers to choose, where I want to begin for your nursery...let alone a birth plan. They also say that you can feel my touch so I try to make sure that I am rubbing the belly as much as possible. Even though I feel ridiculous doing it, I also try to talk to you. I tell you about my day and what's going on in my life - I want you to know just how much I love you.

All day today I have felt a heaviness on one side of my body. It doesn't hurt but it gets mighty uncomfortable at times - whatever it is that you are doing, please stop! I do, however, enjoy your little kicks and squirms when I am still enough to feel them. I feel like you are my secret and that we have something no one else ever will share. I know everyone is anxious to get to feel you dancing in my belly, I am too. I want them to feel what I do. I want them to have that physically connection with you so that you know you are loved by many.

Enough of the silly stuff....

As I said, today was your first 4th of July. We woke up and ate some eggs and a piece of cornbread leftover from last night. We made a trip to the grocery store to pick up some last minute items and then we visited mommy's store to steal some ice because I refuse to pay for solid water. Usually when we are at work, mommy is wearing an apron so it is hard for people to see just how much you have grown. Everyone's face lit up and they ooh'd and ahh'd over you.

We had hamburgers and bratwurst that daddy bbq'd. Daddy is an awesome bbq chef, even though he doesn't think so. Everyone says he should enter in a bbq contest - hopefully you will be around when he finally decides to do one. You would be proud!

For dessert my mommy made homemade pazookie.....I know you don't quite know what that is. It's a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie topped with ice cream, we had neopolitan!

Having you in my belly plus all of the food we ate is making mommy pretty uncomfortable!

Anyway, here we are at 17 weeks. I thought we had gained 12 pounds so far but I took a look at our paperwork for our bloodwork coming up and we have only gained 8!

On the 21st we will (hopefully) find out just what you are. Everyone except Auntie Em is rooting for you to be a boy. Hopefully you will be cooperative that day. I can't wait!

I love you,


Saturday, July 2, 2011

17 weeks

How far along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 12 pounds gained (i think)
Sleep: good until i stir then i immediately have to pee
Best moment this week: somebody told me im tiny for being 17 weeks, but that i glowed!
Movement: this little is squirmy at times
Symptoms: starving all the time! and my nipples are doing this really weird thing...
Symptoms I DON'T have: many!
Food cravings: cup of soup, cold fruit
Food aversions: none
Gender: we find out in 19 days!
Labor Signs: none, thankfully i think my monster needs some more baking
Belly Button in or out? tucked inside
What I miss: working out really hard
What I am looking forward to: the gender ultrasound and when Panda can feel the little move
Weekly Wisdom: umm.........for a long while i was down about my weight but today i realized that as long as im making good food choices that i will be fine. my body was meant for this, and i feel so blessed!
Milestones: wiggles in my uterus

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