Friday, December 16, 2011


so...I am still working on the Birth Story of Miss Aubrey Rose - seeing as how I was in the hospital for a total of 5 days there is a lot to jot down!

But in the mean time I have something to confess.

I love being a mommy, I really do.

And I love my daughter to death and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. I have waited for such a long time to be a mom and have my own family, I'm not taking it for granted.


I have been feeling a bit trapped. I know I need to focus on recovering from the whole birthing ordeal and I really need to take this time to bond with my baby - I get that. But if you know me then you know that I am NOT the girl who likes to just lie around all day. I want to get out. I find myself getting jealous of the visitors that come because they get to GO. They get to experience what's going on in the real world and I have to stay.

Don't get me wrong, I feel blessed that I am able to exclusively breastfeed Aubrey because I know many women don't have that opportunity. But I feel like I am a milking cow. Aubrey isn't quite old enough (I feel) to learn to drink from a bottle so in a way I am stuck around here. I find myself getting upset with Roy (her papa) because he still gets to go play softball twice a week and leave the house to visit with friends or run away to the store.

I feel trapped.

I feel trapped because so many people have said that I really need to stay at home for the first month and just enjoy every moment. Enjoy being catered to and being driven around when I need to go out.

But I want to go out alone. I want to be able to get away and it makes me feel like I am a bad mom.

Roy has picked up on my unhappiness and he begs me to talk to him but I can't. All I can do is cry. I don't want him to think that I regret having a child. I don't want him to think that I am a terrible mother.

I don't know what to do.

Somebody please tell me this is normal.

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