Sunday, October 14, 2012


Three weeks ago my battle with pumping at work hit it's peak.

The update: I found out who the dirty rat was. I know, I know, it isn't very nice to call someone a dirty rat. But.....this is what really pissed me the Eff off. It was a disgruntled ex-employee. Someone who I distinctly recall telling that I needed to pump and that if it bothered her she needed to leave my office. Someone who said how amazing it was that I was able and willing to pump at work for my child. Someone who frickin ENCOURAGED me to do so because I was able. Someone who sat there and told me that if she had been able to pump at work she would have but she couldn't relax enough so she eventually had to stop breastfeeding altogether.

Ugh, I could go on and on and on about this but the bottom line was that I was (and still am) disgusted. I am so disappointed in the route that my district manager and HR handled the situation. Seriously, I was so bothered by it that I couldn't pump at work for several days. Not to be confused with not sitting down and pumping but that when I'd retreat to my safe zone I would only get a half ounce out of each breast.

 I have since then purchased a curtain to block myself off.

 And you want to know what? That makes me uncomfortable.

Why? Because the rest of my team has been nothing but supportive and to have to hide away makes me feel embarrassed. Like I am doing something wrong. I understand that it makes some people uncomfortable and to that I say, get a grip. Why on earth is society still in a place where breastfeeding is taboo? What did people do before formula?

It's not like I am exposing myself to anyone. As proud as I am to breastfeed my daughter in public and pump at work I am still fairly modest about it. I don't whip out my breast and leave it in the open. I cover as much as possible and feed and/or pump. Even my male team members support it. They tell me all of the time that it is natural and even they don't understand what the big damn deal is.


 My supply has since dropped and I am fighting like mad to get it back.


I was so upset. So upset. Need I reiterate that I was upset? Clearly, I still am. Merely typing this out makes my tummy churn and makes my heart flutter.

Needless to say when things like this happen I go inside of myself. I hide away to lick my wounds and try to heal. It hasn't been easy. When I hide away I tend to hide from everything.

It is hard to heal when someone has attacked your heart and soul. I feel like someone tried to physically hurt Aubrey. I feel like a mama tiger ready to pounce at any given moment. I naturally always feel like that when it comes to my girl but I feel a million times more so now.

I have tried to write this post twenty times. But I couldn't bring myself to open up. I still hesitate as I sit here punching away at the keys of this laptop. I pause every sentence and question whether or not to let the world know.

But in the end it is therapeutic to type this. To release my thoughts on the rest of the world is as cleansing as that random storm that hit Southern California last Thursday. Being upset is exhausting. Hiding the hurt and anger is even more exhausting.

Naked and exposed.

1 comment:

  1. Um, that lady needs a slap. She should never have made you feel like you shouldn't be pumping at work, especially while saying one thing to your face and another behind your back. Dirty rat is right. I'm glad you continued, that you wrote this post at got it out. Don't let the negativity of one person slow your role. ;)


Hi! Thanks for taking the time to show us some love. I really appreciate each and every comment and I will respond as soon as I can! Thanks!


Template by: Bright Sunshine Designs by Mary - Affordable Custom Blog Design © 2012

Design Elements by: Tracie Stroud