Clean Up in Aisle 4

Tissues, please!
Sunday we went to register at Babies R' Us. We arrived at the mecca for little monsters around 11:30. We sat down with the registry lady who asked some questions and took down some information. Then came Panda's favorite part...she handed over the magical scanner. You should have seen his face, you would have thought he was just handed the worlds best video game controller for the ultimate round of Call of Duty - he was that excited! We were given a map of the store, for real,as well as a "baby must-haves" list and we were sent on our merry way into the world of baby.

So off we went, following the signs and we first landed in infant feeding, aka, breast pumps galore! There were 20 different brands. There were starter kits, accessory kits, breast pads, storage bags, oh my! I had remembered that Lashinoh (?) was a highly recommended brand so "beep beep beep" went the scanner.

Next was the bath time section with baby tubs and wash cloths and shampoo and towels. That's where things were a little bit overwhelming - do we get the basic tub or the baby "spa" complete with mini jets and bubble makers? There was a hesitant beep or two and then that's when things got a little scary. How do we know which is best? After a couple of minutes I decided it was best to move on...

On to baby proofing, that is! That was fairly easy, we basically scanned one of everything!

Next stop.....strollers! Seriously, there were 25 different strollers sitting on display! 25!!! What the hell were they trying to do? If the answer was: scare the poor first time parents - they win! I am not going to lie....this was where I really started to get anxious. What brand do we try? Do we want the stroller or the travel system? Is expensive better? Do we really need all of the bells and whistles? Of course the first one Panda goes for is the mac daddy...with shocks and lights and a space for your mp3 player with speakers...just kidding, sort of. We found this stroller/travel system by Baby Trend that we both liked the appearance of. Of course we wanted to try it out so we pulled it down and started playing with it. I liked the ease of pushing and steering it and the fact that it didn't look like the traditional stroller. We tried to take the car seat part off and that's where the fun began. We must have looked super lame standing in the aisle with my purse acting as the baby as we tried, at first gently and the quite forcefully to "get the baby out." When we finally realized that there were 2 buttons we had to push I could feel it starting to happen....

"If I can't get my baby purse out of the claws of the stroller and safely into the car, what kind of mother would I be?"

"I must be a horrible mother...."

"Beep."

Panda scanned it.

Next up was carriers. There was another couple in that aisle which got my heart pumping a little bit. Do we look like a couple of idiots? We must look like we haven't the slightest clue what we are doing! How are we going to get this accomplished?

I took one look at the BabyBjorn and Moby wrap section and thought I was going to pass out. The girl half of the couple was standing right in my way and seemed like she knew what she was doing.

Pause.

You may be asking "well, silly, why didn't you ask for advice?"

Because Moe is too damn proud/stubborn/easily embarrassed.

Skipped that aisle.

Next stop: diapers...this is where the fun begins, for real!

I turned the corner and saw the 10 different brands. That was enough. I lost it. Tears quickly filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I started quietly sobbing as I stared at this baby butt covers...I had wanted to do cloth diapering but everyone I told criticized the idea, now I was faced with all of these choices. Panda caught the silent scene and pulled me in for a hug. He asked what was wrong and I said how I was going to be a horrible Mum because I didn't know what I was doing. I said our baby would hate us because I didn't know what was best for it. I asked him why we thought this was a good idea.I started hyperventilating.....

God, am I lame!

Panda intervened and whisked me out of the diaper section and into the gliders and rocking chairs. He offered to buy me Rubios because I wanted tacos (he really listens well).

As quickly as the tears came on the giggle suppressed them and we returned our scanner and walked out.

Needless to say it was super overwhelming - how do women do this?

Am I the only one who cries in Babies R' Us?