....things felt like they were moving along.
7 a.m. the Dr. Koning comes in. He asks how I am feeling and tells me that I have been contracting all night long (as if I didn't know!). Then he checks me and I brace myself a) because cervical checks hurt like hell and b) I didn't want to get my hopes up. He tells me I am at 3 cm. 3 cm. 3 effing cm.
I was trying to hold back the tears as Roy rushed to my side and asked about the options. I was given two options: c-section right then or pitocin. Being the stubborn girl that I am I once again chose to stick it out.
Pitocin it was. The doctor said ok and left the room. I cried. This wasn't the plan at all.
The nurse comes in and starts me on pitocin. They allow me to get out of bed and sit in a rocking chair hoping that gravity will help me progress. It doesn't. Aubrey's heart rate does not respond well to the pitocin and they make me get back in bed and lie on my side.
These contractions were considerably worse and I have to focus through 85% of them. I visualize my body opening and Aubrey moving down. I was determined to will this baby out.
11 a.m. rolls around and my nurse (Misty) walks in, checks me and then informs me that Aubrey is not tolerating well at all. She has spoken with Koning and he is stopping the pitocin. After watching the monitor I am put on oxygen because Aubrey really isn't doing well. I start to cry and I say "Just gut me like a fish, cut me open. I do not care anymore, I am so tired. I want to be done."
Roy wasn't too happy. He knew that that was not my wish. I had to explain to him that my body was exhausted and that mentally and emotionally I was dead.
Roy's parents were already there : - s and, boy, were they driving me crazy.
I text my Mum to tell her the news. She was at school so I figured she wouldn't respond right away but she did! She told me she was on her way.
1 p.m. Dr. Koning walks in and explains what's going on.
My mother and sister came.
The rest is a blur.
2 p.m. they started prepping me for surgery.
By 3:30 everyone was kicked out of the room.
It was so strange knowing that there was a light at the end of this looonnnnnnng tunnel.
4:45 Misty comes to walk me to the O.R. and I kiss Roy goodbye.
There were so many people in there. I shakily got onto the table and they talked me through the spinal. Misty wrapped her arms around me and held me because I was pretty nervous. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
They lay me down on the table and finish whatever they needed to do. The blue curtain went up. Roy came in. When I saw Roy I felt at peace. I was ready. He was ready. He told me he loved me and kissed my forehead.
Then it began. Roy looked over the curtain as he held my hand. The pressure came and for a moment my world went silent. I closed my eyes. The sweetest sound I ever heard rang in my ears. Aubrey Rose was born at 5:21 p.m.
When I opened my eyes Roy was looking at me, tears streaming down. He said she was beautiful. I told him to go over to be with her and make sure she was ok.
I could hear her crying and Roy talking to her telling her she was okay and that he loved her. Then he started to sing "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley to her and I started to cry again.
They bring her over to me to meet.
It's a feeling I can't describe.
They sent Roy and Aubrey out and they staple me up.
Recovery was a blur. I fed her and did skin to skin. I watched Roy and the nurse give her a bath. There were mass texts sent out.
We had family time.
My life was changed when I saw that the pregnancy test read "pregnant." My life took another turn when I saw her on the ultrasound screen for the first time and heard her heart beat. Watching my belly grow and feeling her kick were the best things in the whole wide world. But nothing compares to the feeling I felt hearing her first cry nor seeing her for the first time nor holding her.
I would do it again and again.
My whole life I have wanted to be a mother and now that it is here I cannot imagine my life without her.
"They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up"